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In my experience (I'm 77), there were a few stunning losses early on when I didn't expect them. But now the pace has picked up and all rivers lead to the same sea. I retired from my work as a hospice chaplain when I turned 65. It was a special privilege to do that work but it was still unfolding "out there." Now it's very much "in here." I try to be present to some of my dying friends and am sometimes asked to lead their memorial services. I agree entirely that families are much better served by personal memorials with ample space for reflections from people who knew and loved the person who has died. I will say, however, that absent the traditional structures, many families flounder painfully in planning services. They don't know what they're "supposed" to do.

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Thank you for this brave and honest post.

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