You capture the dilemma well. When I struggle with the struggle the way I get perspective is to think of how past generations had so much less “stuff” to begin with and ended with. Also it was generally of better quality: hence we inherit it and then what? Add that to our modern collection? We can’t keep saving exponentially: our children are serving as a correction line, in their lack of interest to take on 2 generations of “stuff”.
I can well believe the 30,000 items. Books and art supplies are my downfall. And the stories, too. A friend of mine once asked me "Does everything in your house have a story?" Yes, most things do. I started to winnow my library at the beginning of the pandemic, and have continued in fits and starts as I realize there are not enough years left for me to go back to all of the many arts I've practised over my lifetime.
I gave a stack of textile books to the local community arts group and the director told me that she took them to events for people to use. She said that one woman told her, "I've heard of this book, but never seen a copy!" and was thrilled to have the chance to read it. That made me happy.
I've given away things that I once thought I would never part with.
Beautifully written story. It resonates with so many of us of a ‘considerable’ age. You express it perfectly, especially “…Would it enhance my soul to be rid of this stuff? Or does it nourish my soul to keep it?” Good questions to ask as we sort out through the many things we have collected over a lifetime.
Our grandchildren ask during each visit- “what’s the story of that…?” Thankfully they are interested in the rocking chair pulled from the creek in Ohio, the painting of a pair of mallards from Arkansas, the bed warmer from who knows where, and the list goes on and on. Memories from persons they never met, yet special people with each on laying the foundation for their lives. It is good to know where we came from, it certainly helps us understand where we are going.
Wonderful writing, Paula. The trouble is that all those things in the four-story house I've lived in for forty years have a story. My grandsons have no interest in any of it, and neither does my minimalist daughter. I've told her she has to come for a weekend, and I'm going to take her through the house and tell her the story behind every single precious thing. Then when the time comes and she throws them all out, at least she'll know the stories.
I have written those stories and attached them to my will—along with reassurance that I won’t come back to haunt the kids if they choose to part with the stuff.
Paula, what a lovely piece. I agree wholeheartedly. My granddaughters have already expressed an interest in my "stuff." In fairness, I have been grooming my eldest gd since she could talk, now age 26, to be keeper of the family treasures. Being adopted, I have precious little from either of my bio parents. So this is important to me.
When that granddaugther was about 8 yo, she looked at one of my oil paintings, a pear, and gently put her hand on my arm and said, "Grandma, no offence, but can I have the Pear when you die." OMG!!! She will have the Pear long before that......
I, too, have been culling. Things are pretty organized around here but there is lots and lots of it. Things, that is. Since my husband and I are "Aging in Place' in our beautiful log home in the mountains on a river, we don't plan to leave anytime soon. Superb Canadian health care is a stone's throw away, literally, in a small town very close to a big city. So I have just decided that I will enjoy these many things that have been collected over our 59 years of marriage. Period, End of story. Someone else can enjoy distributing and disposing of these "heirlooms" when I am gone. Have fun, lovelies......
I know what you mean. I have many quilts that my grandma made. I've kept them neatly stored for almost 40 years when all of them were distributed to us kids after Dad died. When my brother died I got his - those that were left although he actually used his - and all of my oldest sister's which were pristine like mine. My other sister gave hers away before she went home. I got them out recently. I put one on the bed and an additional one when my hubby pulls it off me, and my Dutch Girl quilt is here in my studio. I organized them by ones that I should sell, some that would make nice jackets and others that are really cutters to be made into small things. And that's just the quilts - so many priceless things that will mean nothing to anyone else when I'm gone. But as long as I am alive, they keep my family memories alive. Thanks for a great piece.
My parents were working class children of immigrants. They had very few possessions other than the usual household stuff. My grandparents had brought very little with them.
That collection of stuff was donated or thrown out as they moved into smaller and smaller apartments.
When my mother passed, all that was left was some costume jewelry and bank statements she kept for over 20 years.
I wish I had more of the objects from her life, objects that defined her life.
oh boy does this story speak to my achilles heel..how to purge possessions well and in a timely manner. Being of Scottish ancestry,the persuasion is more to keep the item, thinking it will be useful at one point or another. And secondly, in not havinng a bunch of living relatives, to cheriish the memento aspect of this "stuff." However with age and its febbling of the body, wisdom kicks in to question this state of possession holding onto lethargy. So now the focus is finding nice homes for said stuff which hopefully will give pleasure, not to be done with tsunami force but in a graceful, thoughtful goodbye way.
So true, I too am 80 and have things from my mother and both grandmothers, but the things they made or bought were parts of them and the love they shared. I love those things and keep them where I can see them or use them every day
In my 80s now....same dilemma. I have stuff saved and stored from generations back...full of memories, but of absolutely no interest to my own middle aged offspring...and even less to their adult kids. I've downsized seriously twice now.....but these particular things travel with me. Another decision time in the not so distant future....final move on the horizon, from Retirement home to LTC. Not got a date for that yet, but it's there, in the future which is not as distant as I thought. So my previous stuff will be someone else's decision.....because I just cannot.
I, too, think of these things. I look at “stuff” and realize it will all mean nothing one day. Perhaps it’s time to write some stories? Thanks for sharing another beautiful piece Paula.
You have perfectly and beautifully described my dilemma! I am the oldest and therefore the keeper of the family history. As I sort through this ‘stuff’ in preparation to sell our larger home and downsize to our cottage, I keep circling back to the very same items you described. My children did not know these amazing ancestors who are so familiar to me, so I try to bring them alive with stories from my childhood. I have resigned myself that some of the things that hold so much meaning will simply have to stay with me and maybe, in deciding what to do with them when I’m gone will give my children an opportunity to remember the stories I told them about who made them strong and interesting people. Some things ‘spark joy’ by their memories and lessons so I’m letting go of the guilt for keeping that ratty threadbare quilt that my grandmother stitched by hand so long ago. Throw it into the casket with me.
"...stopping when I hear voices speaking to me from corners, cupboards, and drawers." So wonderfully written. Your voice and reflections speak clearly to us, too.
You capture the dilemma well. When I struggle with the struggle the way I get perspective is to think of how past generations had so much less “stuff” to begin with and ended with. Also it was generally of better quality: hence we inherit it and then what? Add that to our modern collection? We can’t keep saving exponentially: our children are serving as a correction line, in their lack of interest to take on 2 generations of “stuff”.
I can well believe the 30,000 items. Books and art supplies are my downfall. And the stories, too. A friend of mine once asked me "Does everything in your house have a story?" Yes, most things do. I started to winnow my library at the beginning of the pandemic, and have continued in fits and starts as I realize there are not enough years left for me to go back to all of the many arts I've practised over my lifetime.
I gave a stack of textile books to the local community arts group and the director told me that she took them to events for people to use. She said that one woman told her, "I've heard of this book, but never seen a copy!" and was thrilled to have the chance to read it. That made me happy.
I've given away things that I once thought I would never part with.
Oh, don’t I know! I am 86 in a house full of sixty’s some years of stiff. I keep putting it back. My poor children! Thanks for your good words!
Beautifully written story. It resonates with so many of us of a ‘considerable’ age. You express it perfectly, especially “…Would it enhance my soul to be rid of this stuff? Or does it nourish my soul to keep it?” Good questions to ask as we sort out through the many things we have collected over a lifetime.
Great article. Thanks.
Our grandchildren ask during each visit- “what’s the story of that…?” Thankfully they are interested in the rocking chair pulled from the creek in Ohio, the painting of a pair of mallards from Arkansas, the bed warmer from who knows where, and the list goes on and on. Memories from persons they never met, yet special people with each on laying the foundation for their lives. It is good to know where we came from, it certainly helps us understand where we are going.
Wonderful writing, Paula. The trouble is that all those things in the four-story house I've lived in for forty years have a story. My grandsons have no interest in any of it, and neither does my minimalist daughter. I've told her she has to come for a weekend, and I'm going to take her through the house and tell her the story behind every single precious thing. Then when the time comes and she throws them all out, at least she'll know the stories.
I have written those stories and attached them to my will—along with reassurance that I won’t come back to haunt the kids if they choose to part with the stuff.
Oh a little haunting never hurt anybody!
Paula, what a lovely piece. I agree wholeheartedly. My granddaughters have already expressed an interest in my "stuff." In fairness, I have been grooming my eldest gd since she could talk, now age 26, to be keeper of the family treasures. Being adopted, I have precious little from either of my bio parents. So this is important to me.
When that granddaugther was about 8 yo, she looked at one of my oil paintings, a pear, and gently put her hand on my arm and said, "Grandma, no offence, but can I have the Pear when you die." OMG!!! She will have the Pear long before that......
I, too, have been culling. Things are pretty organized around here but there is lots and lots of it. Things, that is. Since my husband and I are "Aging in Place' in our beautiful log home in the mountains on a river, we don't plan to leave anytime soon. Superb Canadian health care is a stone's throw away, literally, in a small town very close to a big city. So I have just decided that I will enjoy these many things that have been collected over our 59 years of marriage. Period, End of story. Someone else can enjoy distributing and disposing of these "heirlooms" when I am gone. Have fun, lovelies......
I know what you mean. I have many quilts that my grandma made. I've kept them neatly stored for almost 40 years when all of them were distributed to us kids after Dad died. When my brother died I got his - those that were left although he actually used his - and all of my oldest sister's which were pristine like mine. My other sister gave hers away before she went home. I got them out recently. I put one on the bed and an additional one when my hubby pulls it off me, and my Dutch Girl quilt is here in my studio. I organized them by ones that I should sell, some that would make nice jackets and others that are really cutters to be made into small things. And that's just the quilts - so many priceless things that will mean nothing to anyone else when I'm gone. But as long as I am alive, they keep my family memories alive. Thanks for a great piece.
My parents were working class children of immigrants. They had very few possessions other than the usual household stuff. My grandparents had brought very little with them.
That collection of stuff was donated or thrown out as they moved into smaller and smaller apartments.
When my mother passed, all that was left was some costume jewelry and bank statements she kept for over 20 years.
I wish I had more of the objects from her life, objects that defined her life.
oh boy does this story speak to my achilles heel..how to purge possessions well and in a timely manner. Being of Scottish ancestry,the persuasion is more to keep the item, thinking it will be useful at one point or another. And secondly, in not havinng a bunch of living relatives, to cheriish the memento aspect of this "stuff." However with age and its febbling of the body, wisdom kicks in to question this state of possession holding onto lethargy. So now the focus is finding nice homes for said stuff which hopefully will give pleasure, not to be done with tsunami force but in a graceful, thoughtful goodbye way.
Mary Anne Ferguson
So true, I too am 80 and have things from my mother and both grandmothers, but the things they made or bought were parts of them and the love they shared. I love those things and keep them where I can see them or use them every day
In my 80s now....same dilemma. I have stuff saved and stored from generations back...full of memories, but of absolutely no interest to my own middle aged offspring...and even less to their adult kids. I've downsized seriously twice now.....but these particular things travel with me. Another decision time in the not so distant future....final move on the horizon, from Retirement home to LTC. Not got a date for that yet, but it's there, in the future which is not as distant as I thought. So my previous stuff will be someone else's decision.....because I just cannot.
I, too, think of these things. I look at “stuff” and realize it will all mean nothing one day. Perhaps it’s time to write some stories? Thanks for sharing another beautiful piece Paula.
You have perfectly and beautifully described my dilemma! I am the oldest and therefore the keeper of the family history. As I sort through this ‘stuff’ in preparation to sell our larger home and downsize to our cottage, I keep circling back to the very same items you described. My children did not know these amazing ancestors who are so familiar to me, so I try to bring them alive with stories from my childhood. I have resigned myself that some of the things that hold so much meaning will simply have to stay with me and maybe, in deciding what to do with them when I’m gone will give my children an opportunity to remember the stories I told them about who made them strong and interesting people. Some things ‘spark joy’ by their memories and lessons so I’m letting go of the guilt for keeping that ratty threadbare quilt that my grandmother stitched by hand so long ago. Throw it into the casket with me.
"...stopping when I hear voices speaking to me from corners, cupboards, and drawers." So wonderfully written. Your voice and reflections speak clearly to us, too.
Thank you, Paula.